she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize