I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
