my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
