every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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