she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
