If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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