they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
