This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
