i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
