As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So vagazzling was a success
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
