don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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