Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
