How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
