Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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