When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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