Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
