so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
