I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
