I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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