thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
