I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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