Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
