Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
