That's intense
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
pop tarts are not kleenex
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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