this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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