I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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