My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
