watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
