You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
