just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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