you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
