I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
