He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
