i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
