piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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