how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
