Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
