i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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