I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
