Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
