Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
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I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize