I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
