you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
