Acid is not a monday night drug
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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