Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
