Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
