You can't motorboat a personality
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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