I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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