I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
