went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
