ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
