i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
