I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You smell like stripper and shame
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
