WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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