I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
