WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
