You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She just used a chaser for red wine.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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