actually, I'm a sock model
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
