i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
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What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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