Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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