ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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