Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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