Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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