me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
