addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
