I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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