The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
