after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
