We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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