Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
