I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
