im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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