apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize