It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
